ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
