I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
