grandma shit on top of the toilet
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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