so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
