So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
