Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
