I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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