Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
