forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
