My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
zippers are such a cool invention
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
