this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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