I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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