her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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