ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
