There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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