You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
