so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
