Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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