my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
