I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
