You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
