I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
