Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
