I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
