just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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