there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
