lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
