I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
