are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
