I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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