I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
