have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
worst night to have a conscience
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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