Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
