I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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