I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
