I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
