They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
