Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
