New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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