I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
