i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
