im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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