I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
