"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
