He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
