you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
