I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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