enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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