The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
