Life is so much better after having sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
